Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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