So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
