Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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