Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
