she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize