I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
