You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
