my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
