So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
