So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
