You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
