Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
