It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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