no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I look better un-naked...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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