dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
