I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
