Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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