I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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