Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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