they need to just BURY HIM!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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