My hand turned me down
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
