I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
