I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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