you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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