Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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