i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
