I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
