just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
