i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
