ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize