Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize