dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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