TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
