Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
