I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
