I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
