My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
