My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
