your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my being single is dangerous.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
