Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
