when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
