Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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