The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
