Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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