literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
