alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
