I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
