he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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