last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
