the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
