That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
