She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
