on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The best revenge is premature balding
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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