sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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