i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
