thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
