Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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