My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
