It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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