She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
