I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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