1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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