I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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