bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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