it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
