Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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