You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
