the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
