remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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