So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I am puke
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
