Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
