I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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