Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
