I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize