Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
