this beer tastes like vomit already
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
