Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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