Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
