I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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