drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
