you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
