He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
