I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
