The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dick very happy bro
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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