Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
