wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
