If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
