So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
