So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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