when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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