She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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