So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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