My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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