It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize