u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
