she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
