friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize