I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Im part way to drunk.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
