my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
