this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
