im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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