nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
