Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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