take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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