hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
