I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
