also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
