I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize