guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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