im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
