Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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