So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
