why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
