also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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