I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
