I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
