if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
