I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you had me at cake vodka
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
