hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My dick has a subreddit
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
